BILLY BOB ON BRONCO PEAK
06/23/2009
Let’s face it, rednecks and off roading go hand in hand. I don’t think the U.S military intended to create a whole new sport when it ordered the development of the general purpose vehicle known as the Jeep. I will bet my bottom dollar though that the first fools to laugh their ass off, running this vehicle through the mud and rocks were rednecks. I’m sure they abandoned all military discipline and common sense for a good laugh. Today, nothin’ has changed. Even though you may need an interpreter to understand them, they will say and do some damn funny things. The lack of sense, spelling, pronunciation and hygiene are not considered handicaps. They are considered comedic enhancements. These traits are held in high regard amongst rednecks and are as much apart of who they are as bailing wire, mullets and overalls. These folks invented
How do you honor your redneck friends? You emulate them, in the name of fun. They say imitation is the greatest form of flattery. I don’t know if they were flattered by our Billy Bob teeth, but they were damn funny. We had a really good turn out for the “Messed Up Grill Run.” Some of our members didn’t need Billy Bob teeth. Ron and April Bob, Kevin and Troy Bob, Ryan and Brit Bob, Joe and Johnny Bob were all there. Rhett was also there, but he doesn’t need the Bob name to be redneck. The rest of the group was too worried to take us seriously. I think it was April Bob’s outfit that worried them the most. Rhett worries everyone and doesn’t need Billy Bob teeth to be funny, but he ended up with a set of Mega Bucks and even he had a hard time not laughing. The only thing funnier than Rhett laughing at himself was the trail interviews he conducted with the other members. Imagine a real redneck, Rhett with some Mega Buck teeth and Elvis sun glasses asking the questions. I think April Bob almost wet her pants.
This run with all its redneck humor still had a few not so funny events. Kevin Bob decided to top all his other not so great moves with one I hope to never see again. After Brit Bob punctured his tire on one of the more difficult sections of the mountain, Kevin Bob decided to fast track him a spare from the top of the hill. If you have never seen a 35 inch mud tire go twenty feet in the air and 60 miles an hour all on its own, it’s not that funny. It’s redneck, but not funny. Unless you’re crazy I wouldn’t attempt this technique. In Kevin’s defense we’ve never accused him of being the sharpest tool in the shed. Rhett our reporter was on the scene, but was laughing too hard to get the shot as the rest of us were bobbing and weaving. I think Ron Bob’s bridge fell out. Kevin found out what it’s like to do things the redneck way. Take an easy task and turn it into something extremely stupid. Kevin, congratulations on your new redneck status, and it wasn’t the teeth that earned you that honor. On another note, Johnny’s U-joint got a little twisted which made him a bit mad, but his grill was intact so he was able to keep on smiling.
Our first annual “Messed Up Grill Run” was a great success. We all had a lot of laughs, mostly at Rhett’s expense. He was the only real redneck there because Seth didn't show, although April did a really good job filling in. We finished up our great run with a world class redneck event. A party! Every redneck worth his salt knows that all you need for fun is friends, music, barbeque, and beer pong and we had it all. This was a real shindig. It's probably a good thing Seth didn't show up because he would have brought lawn darts and Kevin was supposed to be showing back up. I have to hand it to the first rednecks to take a Jeep through the mud and rocks with reckless abandonment. The fun they invented is still being enjoyed by rednecks and non rednecks alike. Thank God for these folks and their great sense of humor. For every 10 really bad idea's they come up with they stumble on to one really good one!
P.S. Kevin Bob, don’t give me a reason to talk to ya.
THE DELIVERANCE RUN from Ron Baker on Vimeo.
